Looking back (funny isn’t it?)

Though haven’t posted on this blog for years now I feel the need to do so tonight. Rereading my posts seems like they where writen by a stranger. One who was searching for who she was or is. It’s funny how when you reread things years after HUGE events seem so small now. Like the fact that my mother  was then appalled  at the fact that I was sleeping over at my boyfriend’s house at all none the less so frequently. Or the fact that I thought I loved him as much as I could love another person. Now that boyfriend has been my husband for over a year. In that time we’ve moved thousands of miles away from that bitty room he and then we used to rent. a place with no yard for his dog Ginger to pee in. We’ve had great adventures together and separately. He’s been to basic training and I’ve learned house to make a kitchen table out of nothing but old barn wood and legs. We’ve gotten a puppy and she’s now a dog. I’ve been through so much and yet when I look back it will all be so small. Funny how it works that way isn’t it? We think we have learned all that we can in wisdom and then we live a little more. Funny isn’t it?

A lack of time

Sorry for the lack of posts but between school works a running a brownie girls scout troop my time is all used up at the end of the day

i’ve lost 3 pounds

just a quick little update

i’ve lost 3 pounds in the last two weeks because if the app I was talking about, I’ve very excited because I feel alot healther and all that jazz.the app helps me be more aware of all the shit i used to put in my body. I get really happy when i meet or don’t go over my calorie count. it’s just exciting that others see a difference already!!! i feel more and more comfortable in my own skin.

Thanksgiving

This year I had two thanksgivings. one at camp with my little sister Thunder (whom I finally finished a quilt for), Purple (whom i hadn’t seen in two years) and my dear sweet kreamq. Lash even brought molly, her little sister who’d been my camper for 3 weeks this summer. I missed them so much! every one brought something and it was kinda pot lucky, with Obi (my boss) having 5 different turkeys all with different things inside. conversations ranged from boyfriends to beards and from  the fact that Purple used to work at the same place as me, to the differences that would happen in social con-structs of the harry potter series.Tiny and I even had one of our famously deep covos about life and it’s meanings to us.  I really miss that. Those people are my family. Nothing any one did do is socially unexeptable to us and this in clued playing football in a dress and jumping on people as they entered. My family Thanksgiving  was less homey feeling with the absence of my brother and my older cousin then my camp one. That maybe a little sad to some people but to me that’s just how it is. In my family I’m the black sheep, a tattooed up 20 something who drinks to much coffee and has the social grace of a two legged gazelle, but at camp we are all the black sheep of this world, we range from clean cut modest and mormon Sunny, to Pink haired Celestial Jewel. We all choose our own names and name our heart and soul. Our names just stick and then we end up like Obi Joe who’s been Obi instead of Monica to even her parents for years. We create our own family constuct and soon it’s better then our different levels of fucked up home life that we’ve left behind and i’m thankful for that. I have people who truly care a give a shit about my struggles more then my weight and grades. I’m thankful year round for this… not just one day a year

hopeful

So I’ve been trying pretty hard to lose weight since mid September and had been doing pretty well at the gym but kinda struggled getting there.if i didnt make it outta the house by 9 am there was no way i was going type deal. So i started using this new app called loseit! And now that i’m eating right i’ve gone to the gym 2 times for a hour and a half each this week. Maybe i will lose this weight! 🙂

let by gones be by gones

So i was wrong. My rearending thing did carry meaning. But not until i went to get my truck checked at a body shop. Even then i didn’t have any idea what or who i was about to “run into”. As i was talking to the mechanic and giving him my registration the girl at the next computer stood up and asked me what high school i went to or rather if i went to a specific one. I told her no i went to the rival one and she asked what elementary i went to. So i told her. She responded with “yeah you did”  she remembered me…. and after she said her name i recalled her to. She was my bully, she made me not have friends. She was a bitch and i hated her. But she talked to me like we’d been friends back then. Like she’d never wronged me. So i went with it… i guess let by gones be by gones. Ww must let things go simply because they become to heavy.

cat calls

recently I had just gone to the gym and went to eat at a nice little “Healthy Asian grill” after words. It was only 7pm but I was alone. As I was walking out of the place I held the door for someone coming in, something I do all the time. The man coming up the steps was in his late 30’s early 40’s and as soon as he saw me he said “Well hello you sweet pretty little thing.” I didn’t know what to say so I stood there frozen as he entered  the door way and stopped inches from my face “Thank you so much for holding the door baby” I could smell liquor on his breath, I was now tempted to spout me “feminist bullshit” and tell the man I was no one’s baby. But my mother’s voice came into my head and told me to run.This was a perfect example of the way I was raised to be afraid. I then left the door even tho he was only half way inside and walked very quickly to my car.  I only looked back once to make sure he wasn’t following me and he called from the doorway that was still half open “What’s the matter baby don’t you talk?”  I jumped into my truck and locked the door. I knew better then to be alone at night even there in one of the nicest areas. I sat in my truck for a minute before I could even drive away. I was wearing a overly big girl scout hoodie that covered most of my body, leggings and running shoes with my hair braided back in a single child like french braid. This man probably thought this interaction with me was him being a man, now why is that ok? Why was he allowed to make me; a normally bubbly and sweet woman, one who most people call loud, uncomfortable enough that I could not even speak?

deep

I feel like all my blogs end up being these profound rant things about how this happened and it was meaningful. However i don’t always think like that. I am not wise or all knowing, i’m just good at overthinking things in my head and exploding everything. It makes me feel more comfortable with the world i think. But yesterday something happened to me that wasn’t profound nor can i find any wisdom thru it. I was stopped at a light on the way home from work just listening a singing along to a song on the radio when bam! I thought i’d killed my truck but after finding that it was still running and sayimg to my self “what the fuck?” I looked behind me. Sure enough anouther truck had hit me. The man was very nice and we exchanged numbers and info. He told me that he was pkaying with the clutch to see how much he had left of it and it slipped out. I felt bad because he was saying how he didn’t have much money. I could see that because his front clip and bumper where missing previous to our little dense bender. I hope every thing eorks out for him and that i get a new bumper.

Thats it noting deep or meaningful just a story for you guys.

Vote in Today’s US Midterm Elections

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Today, across the United States, Americans will go to the polls and vote in the US Midterm Elections.

Voting is our most fundamental responsibility as citizens — without it, our American democracy wouldn’t exist. WordPress.com is a platform that gives everyday people the ability to share their voice and we’re asking you to take advantage of this voice — by exercising your right to vote today — November 4th, 2014.

We want to provide our US-based users a set of resources to help them make a smart, informed decision when it comes to who they will vote for. We also want to provide a toolkit so that they can get more information on where to vote, which issues are at stake and of course, after voting occurs, a way to show their pride and encourage others to go get out the vote.

We’ve teamed up The Pew Charitable Trusts, who…

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We’re good people

this weekend I was invited to go to a halloween costume party at my bosses place. A few other co workers went including Tiny, who is now i found out working week days at DIA and no longer really living on site.

Tiny text me few days before hand and asked if I could give him a ride to said party to save gas. I told him that I was in fact going with my boyfriend so I’d have to ask him. Miller being the sweet heart he is said “well we’re going that way so I don’t mind” despite the fact he’d never actually met Tiny before. We planed to meet at Miller’s place on Sat.

so Sat. rolled around and Miller and I were getting ready for the party (I was a deer and he the hunter) when the door bell rang. I went down to get the door of my boyfriends town home of course it was Tiny who for some reason had about a million bags  attached some how on his body. As he walked up the stairs he commented on what “a sweet place” Miller had and I felt odd… Miller only lives in a town house he rents from a Russian lady who is a little older then us. My house I feel is much nicer seeing as Two 20 something boys don’t live there. So we went up stairs and Tiny and Miller met for the first time. “Tiny this is Pancakes, Pancakes this is Tiny.” I said and they both looked at me like they’d like to know the other’s real name so “Joeseph, Ricky.” I said pointing to each of them. It was odd saying Tiny’s real name. after the formalities both boys went to “Tiny this is Pancakes, Pancakes this is Tiny.” I said and they both looked at me like they’d like to know the other’s real name so “Joeseph, Ricky.” I said pointing to each of them. work on critisizeing the fact that I was a female deer who had horns, they made fun of me most of the car ride to the party honestly. When we got there we dropped Tiny off at tree house to take a shower and get ready and headed up to the party.

Even tho we where a good 20 mins early Meeko and Kaos where already there and helping get all the drinks out so Miller and I joined in helping too :). soon the party was underway. Dub showed up and took shots with Meeko and I, it was tons of fun. Mostly we just stood around and talked about work or stupid things we’d done together. Miller even seemed to have fun and he’s not normally a huge people person.

We desided to leave around 11 seeing as we had and hour and a half drive back home. The ride down Miller was very quite as Tiny and I talked about every subject under the sun (inclueding that fact that Tiny is once again living in his car) but when we where walking from Miller’s car to his house, Miller said “Hey Tiny you know you can crash on my couch right?” Tiny seemed shocked “oh… I mean I was gonna just stay in my car” “I know but my couch is pretty nice.” “well let me just use the restroom at your place and we’ll see.” I was really taken back by the way Miller just let my friend, a guy he’d never met stay on his couch like that. later that night I again asked why my boyfriend loved me as he drifted off to sleep and he told me again that I was a better person than he but this time I told him not today, and explained what he’d just done for my friend.

S o this weekend I went to a party and found yet again why I love my boyfriend so much